The things I need to start focusing on!
I wanted to come back here to write a blog because I have been in such a funk lately, and that has not been very inspiring at all. I have been in such a depressed state with the world shutting down due to Covid, the wedding I was supposed to have in April was cancelled, my trip to Paris this year was cancelled, my relationship ended, and everything has just tried to push me over the edge. Any normal person would have been pushed so far, it probably would have driven them on a drunken or drug binge. As for me, I sit here stressed out trying to keep my head above water. I think it's time I start paying attention to all the good things that have been happening to me, instead of focusing on the bad.
For example, I moved to Florida! I have always wanted to live on the East Coast, and I finally made it. I get to go on walks anytime a day because the weather out here is almost always amazing. I can take my dogs to the park often. I am less than an hour away from the beach, so I love taking trips to the beach as often as I get the time. I have more time to spend with my son because I am not always working my days away just to make ends meet, and I can dress up out here because I am not always freezing like I was in Colorado. Plus, everyone I meet out here is super nice! The people in Florida are amazing. I LOVE FLORIDA!!!
I have a brand new car that I bought for myself this year. I sold my house in Colorado back in June, and I bought myself a brand new RAV4 Hybrid 2020. I have owned new cars in the past, but they were always cars that my ex husbands helped me get. I finally got this one on my own for the first time in my life! I honestly am really proud of myself for how far I have pushed myself to achieve the things I have worked hard for. Getting a new car is really a big accomplishment for me because I honestly didn't think very highly of myself for a very long time, and never thought I could afford anything like that on my own.
I have been getting tons of modeling jobs since I moved here, which has been paying the bills. The weather is almost always sunny, and photographers out here are always looking for models. While I lived in Colorado, I always had a hard time finding modeling jobs. Even unpaid ones are hard to come by out there because the weather makes it hard to do shoots when it's always snowing or freezing. It's so hard to do a shoot when it feels like your nipples are about to fall right off your body! I do miss the few friends that I do have there because I had a couple that I truly do cherish, but I will always find a way to go see them. I don't miss how expensive it is to live out there, but I do miss the weed! Lol
One thing I am grateful for more than most this year is the fact that I have made some truly amazing friends who have stayed by my side, even though they have had every reason to run as far away from me as they can. I have my rollercoaster of emotions often, especially now that I am getting older. (No Old Jokes!) I have had my moments of weakness, and the universe has definitely challenged me this year to see what I am capable of. But I haven't backed down, or given up yet. I wont let this world knock me down because I have come too far to give up now! I tend to feel like this world would be better off without me, but I know that is not true. I truly believe that I do inspire some people, and I hope that I can keep inspiring others to stay strong as well. My journey has not been an easy one by far, but that doesn't mean I will surrender!
For all of you that follow me and read my blogs, I just want to say thank you for following me along this crazy journey of mine. I truly don't know where I would be without all of you giving me purpose to keep moving forward to help others with my story. I haven't had an easy road to follow in life, and I wasn't dealt an easy hand of cards. I have always had to work for everything I have ever done in my life, and I will continue to keep working hard until the day I die. I am just so grateful for all of you who follow me because that gives me a chance to maybe help someone with my story, be able to find their voice and reach out if they are struggling as well. I am always willing to help anyone that reaches out. Anytime anyone needs to talk about something, I am always here. I know what it's like not to have someone to talk to when you need just one person to listen, so I will always be that shoulder for anyone that ever needs it. If you're subscribed to my newsletter you can just reply to one of the emails and write me a message anytime you need to talk.
If I leave you with anything, let me leave you with this: You are enough, and you will always be enough! No matter who tells you otherwise, look in that mirror and know that it will get easier. Things are truly hard for me almost always, but if it wasn't hard, it wouldn't be worth it in the end. Everything we do in this world leaves a mark, you just have to figure out what kind of mark you want to leave on this world! Don't forget that you are as special as the person you idolize. They were born from a womb just as you were. No matter how rich or famous, they were still born naked and vulnerable. Never sell yourself short because you are the one that knows your worth, don't undervalue yourself!
Until Next time, Blessed Be!